I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
