he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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