I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
