Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
