I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
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