just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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