using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
