This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize