I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
