I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
