This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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