Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
