I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She bit a glass in half.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
