Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
