What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
As shirtless as possible
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
