theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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