No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
