I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize