did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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