I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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