i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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