Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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