yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
