after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
