Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Im part way to drunk.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
