Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
