Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
