Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
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