she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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