it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
