I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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