I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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