For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
