I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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