Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
