she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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