I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
