At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
