I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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