I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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