Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just gargled with NyQuil
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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