I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
