My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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