It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
