I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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