you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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