Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize