I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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