That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
