It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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