I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
