you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
