Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
