I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
