Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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