Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just high enough for therapy.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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