If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just pee around me
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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