first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
