I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I've blown a few things in my day
home. puking in laundry basket.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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