Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
