new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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