After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
