i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
