you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
