i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
