thus making me awesome and them whores
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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