i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
