Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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