get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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