I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
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