Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
